As we observe ourselves when we try to meditate like we do in Vipassana meditation, it sometimes get really difficult not to get caught by the chain of thoughts and be driven by that. And there are very few moments where we are spontaneously thoughtless, in peace, with an entirely different kind of clarity and blisful.

I have had few such spontaneous experiences. But when the momentary bubble of such ecstacy brusts and disappears, it all seems like a dream and even like illusion of some kind. The following is something that I wrote in a similar moment.

Everything is right there between the utterance and uttered. What is there, a moment to live, life is just there. Not in the silence, and not in the words but in the moment of transition, because there is a moment. It’s not there in total silence, nor in total expression, but in the subtle bridge that connects the two. Not in the darkness, nor in the light but in the moment of opening the eyes.

Life is a walk traversed not in what you want in life, and also not in what is there out in the world, but in a choice or the space between what is outside and what is inside you.

If you look completely at the outer world, you miss the inner, and if you look at the inner, you miss the outer. Life isn’t wholly in anywhere, but is in the conscious observation at the subtle fluctuation along the boundary.

Life isn’t completely in planting a tree and enjoying the fruit, and not completely in the satisfaction of quenching the hunger but in the transformation of fruit to that experience, and a conscious perception of that. Neither food is life, not the satisfaction of eating is, it is somewhere between food and satisfaction, or hunger and food.

A search, seeking isn’t life, nor is the answers. Life is in the subtle play of questions and answers . These boundary is where life is in, this constant exchange.

Life isn’t there in doing what life has offered. Life isn’t there in doing what I desire. It is in the acknowledgement of the choice and observation of the flow. You choose action and you are trapped in a dead side, you choose non-action, there you are trapped too.

Life is a subtle boundary , an infinite boundary that separates yet permeates seemingly two completely opposite poles. Life is not in securities or guarantees, and also not in uncertainties, chaos. Life is somewhere between accepting ‘her’ and not accepting her. Life is between saying yes and saying no. Life is in moments and the momentness of moments. Life isn’t in life, and not in death. It is in the boundary between life and death.

Life isn’t in the desire to live, nor in the resentment of having to live. Not in breathing in and exhaling out but somewhere in between. Nor following the mind’s command, nor in rejecting it, but on hearing it. Not in the water not in the vapor, but in a constant dynamicity of vaporization and condensation.

Not in opening the eyes or in shutting the eyes, but in between.

Last Updated: 2019-12-04 20:50:15 +0545
Author: Madhav Humagain (scimad)